I was really looking forward to some quiet beach time and rest, but my wife walked off the plane with a different agenda: she wanted to explore every corner of the island and drive down every road.

Conflict in paradise

We spent the first three days in "paradise" quarrelling, compromising and uneasily hammering out a loose agreement that the two of us were willing to live with. Neither one of us was really happy with the result; I didn’t get near the amount of rest and recovery I was hoping for, and she didn’t get to see half the places she wanted to see.

But you know what?

Maybe the purpose of this vacation wasn’t about me getting a certain amount of rest and my wife getting a certain amount of excitement. Maybe God’s agenda was to confront the pride that rules both our hearts. James is very clear when he writes, "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it" (James 4:1-2a).

My needs versus my spouse's needs

Isn’t it possible that God was more concerned about me growing in unselfishness than about me getting some rest? And isn’t it also possible that God was more concerned that Lisa learn to think of the needs of someone else, even though she was so excited about seeing some new things?

If we don’t open ourselves up to these questions, if we don’t see our pride as our greatest spiritual enemy and Christlikeness as the ultimate goal of our journey together, we’ll get lost in the give-and-take of personal desires. That will spawn nothing but resentment, frustration and alienation.

It’s not until we crucify our pride and take on the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus that we can be freed to vacation with the ultimate purpose: allowing God to use a seemingly no-win situation in order to help two people both become more mature. In this sense, with neither of us getting what we wanted, both of us "won." God used a common event in life to accomplish His eternal purposes.

Gary Thomas is the founder and director of the Center for Evangelical Spirituality, a writing and speaking ministry that integrates Scripture, church history and the Christian classics. He is the author of many books, including Sacred Marriage, Sacred Parenting, Cherish, The Sacred Search and A Lifelong Love.
© 2008 Focus on the Family (Canada) Association. All rights reserved.

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