Understanding how birth order affects your teen

Although parents and teens have different communication styles and needs, one factor in this process hinges on birth order. Take time to understand the unique needs of your teen, and you may improve your ability to talk to each other.

First-born and only-child characteristics

• Conscientious and mature
• Portrays more confidence than he feels
• Comfortable with adults
• Responsible and achievement-oriented

When talking, remember that he may have unexpressed insecurities. Make sure he knows his success does not define his worth.

Allow him to express fears about failure. He may be a disappointed perfectionist – someone who gives up entirely rather than trying and risking failure. Look past your teen’s performance and encourage him to talk about his feelings.

Your first-born may appreciate straightforwardness, but be aware he may be hiding a more sensitive nature, one easily bruised, behind a confident mask.

Middle-child characteristics

• Likely to feel left out or overlooked
• Social
• Ability to compromise and mediate
• Gets along with others

When talking, give her your full attention and plan special times to go out and talk alone.

Her ability to compromise and mediate may cause your middle child to yield on issues that really matter. Encourage her to express opinions even when she disagrees with you or the rest of the family. It is important she learns assertiveness in the midst of blending in.

Since middle children do not enjoy confrontation, choose your battles and words carefully.

Youngest-child characteristics

• Often resents the title of "baby"
• Loves attention
• Feels free to express emotions
• Can be charming and a rebel at the same time

When conversing, allow your youngest to say as much as needs to be expressed, but ground his emotions in logic. Remind him how he felt the day before. Don’t be overwhelmed by fluctuations; enjoy his uninhibited and creative flow.

Know when to take your child seriously and affirm his responsibility and convictions.