Child molestation: What to look for

The thought of child sexual abuse is so repulsive most parents won't even consider it.

Behaviours to watch for

There are, however, certain tip-offs in your child's behaviour that would indicate a need to get further information, or check it out with a counsellor:

• Sexually "acting out": sex play with dolls or toys, drawing naked bodies, speaking or acting seductively, or instances of sexual aggression
  
  
• Behavioural changes at home and school, such as withdrawal or rebelliousness, a feeling that "something is not quite right"
  
  
• Sleep disturbances and increased nightmares
  
  
• Bed wetting
  
  
• Clinging – fear of being left alone
  
  
• Depression
  
  
• Lack of appetite
  
  
• Psychosomatic illnesses

Actions to take

If you discover that your child has been victimized, here are some important actions to take:

• Believe your child. No matter how dignified the accused or unlikely the accusation, children can't make up certain things unless they've been exposed to them.
  
  
• Write down exactly what your child says and include dates. Record any unusual behaviour that might confirm the incident.
  
  
• Go to the authorities. School officials, police or your family doctor are trained in this area.
  
  
• Assure your child that neither the abuse nor its outcome is his or her fault.
  
  
• Offer therapy, but don't insist on it until the child is ready and feels comfortable with the counsellor. If possible, choose a Christian counsellor who will honour your family's values.

Equip your child

To provide your children with some extra protection against victimization, here are some suggestions:

• Teach your child to say no. Sometimes "good kids" haven't been taught to set boundaries or follow their instincts. They want to be polite.
  
  
• Tell your children that if something feels wrong to them, it's okay to make a scene – hit, kick, bite, scream or run. You want them to avoid danger by doing whatever is necessary.
  
  
• Give your children a lesson on right and wrong touching. Tell them no one has the right to touch them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable, no matter who it is. Major video stores offer free community service videos that teach "appropriate touching." Proper words are: "No one is allowed to touch your private areas." Don't say, "Never let someone touch you." This puts the responsibility on the child, where it doesn't belong.